Life with 2 kids

Of course I thought I'd be able to write a lot more than I have, because in my mind I always have more time than I actually do. But I just wanted to update you guys on how I've been! Although first of all I want to ask Lety to give us all the details of her new job!!!!

You might notice this blog entry is peppered with introspection about my "strengths" and "weaknesses" - this is a result of my immersion with Marc Buckingham that I've been dying to apply to my work life, but since I'm not going back to work until August 1st (thank god!) I have to apply to my home life for now...so please forgive me for the self-indulgence.

Anyway, things have been OK, although Patty left yesterday and she was such an IMMENSE help that I was actually emotionally blackmailing her for a while to stay longer with us, and it was actually starting to work. But then I sort of felt guilty because I knew she wanted to go home, and I also said to myself, eventually I'm going to be all by myself in this house trying to hold everything together, so I might as well get used to it the sooner the better. Granted my mom is still here and she's still helpful, but it's a whole other LEAGUE with Jose's mom. She not only helps with everything around the house, but she's great with Gabi, amazing with Sebastian, and all those things far outweigh the fact that she's not a very good cook. Plus I'm an even worse cook myself so I can't judge at all.

A couple of "bumps on the road" - last Sunday Gabi woke up from her nap with a fever, I have been so physically detached from her because of having Sebastian on my breast practically non-stop that I'm not even the one that noticed the fever, which broke my heart. Another thing that broke my heart, Ivonne was here visiting and Gabi started developing red spots all over her body as time wore on. And I'm so worried about just trying to make my guests feel welcome (another one of my weaknesses - I try too hard to make others happy!) that instead of worrying about my Gabi I'm just making conversation with Ivonne & Oscar. Anyway, eventually it became too much and we practically threw Ivonne out of the house and went to the hospital, where Gabi (who behaved like the wonderful trooper she's been ever since Sebastian arrived - potentially she's inherited another strength/weakness of mine - a great sense of responsibility) got diagnosed with strep throat/scarlet fever. She got a very painful antibiotic infection and has been doing great since. Thank god also she's going to day care because it's the only way I am able to keep a semi-normal life from Monday to Friday and get some rest. Weekends are crazy though. Because of course Gabi wants to hang out with me 24/7 and I want to hang out with her too, I miss having all the time in the world just for her!

The next day I get a fever and assume I've gotten Gabi's strep throat or got a cold because the weather has been so crazy. Turns out my uterus got infected, a freakish complication from the C-section. Apparently (duh) I tried to do too much too soon (I was at Target the day after getting out of the hospital and went out practically every day because I didn't want Patty to be bored (again that thing about always putting others before me)). Of course I should know better, this is my second C-section, but there's something wrong with me "de fabrica" always thinking I can be super woman. They say you should sleep when baby sleeps but I find 20,000 other things to do before going to sleep and end up not getting any naps at all. But at least now that Patty's gone I told my mom, sorry you'll be bored to death, but I'm not going out every day like when Patty was here, I was crazy to do it in the first place and I need to get back to recovering, I hate being all sick and weak for the baby and Gabi and the way to make that go away is not IGNORING it!!!

I think yesterday I hit rock bottom. I was like, if I have a 3rd child it's definitely going to be adopted. I don't think I can deal with another C-section, another round of breastfeeding, all the bleeding, etc. Maybe I'll feel different a couple of weeks from now but right now I'm thinking this body in its "post partum mode" is just too damn uncomfortable. Bleeding heavily most of the day, pain in the scar, boobs that hurt like hell every 2 hours, and all this is supposed to NOT stop you from taking care of 2 kids and a house! Oh, and then of course in Jose's mind it's also not supposed to stop me from wanting to be at my pre-pregnancy weight already!!! Ha, I was like, do you think with all the other crap that my body is going through I'm worried about what my weight is!!!! I could give a shit about what my weight is right now, talk to me when I am able to get a full night's sleep.

Then Jose decided he wanted to try to give Sebastian formula because everyone has been saying if we do the baby will sleep better. I'm like fine, you're not the one whose boobs will want to explode 3 hours from now but OK. Turns out the formula did not make him sleep better at all, of course not he's only 3 weeks the poor kid needs some patience and time to figure out his schedule!!!! I hope one day he doesn't hold a grudge against us and tell us how impatient we were with him compared with Gabi. But I am starting to believe what they say about boys being sooo much needier than girls. I thought I was going to have the most relaxed kid in the world since Gabi was too, but he's a little like every other man I know, and a LOT like his father. :)

Tomorrow Gabi has swimming lessons and then we're taking her to see Go Diego Go as her special "date" - something that we do just with her. Here's a picture of Sebastian at his latest doctor visit, one plus of having a boy, the eat like crazy so that doctors aren't worried at all about weight gain like they were with Gabi! And we did have to test the poor little guy for strep throat after Gabi got hers and thank god he's fine. Although he doesn't seem to be very happy with the antibiotics they're giving me for my uterus, the seem to make him constipated. :(

So those are my "lessons learned" so far - let's see if the next few weeks are a little less crazy!!! But for now I'm trying to always think "this too shall pass". I remember what a great feeling it was when Gabi slept the whole night, I just have to remember eventually we'll get to that same point with the little guy. But for now the dreams of walking to Hyde Park Square with the stroller and being able to get a full night's sleep have been put on hold...temporarily.