In The Heights

I’m sitting on the airplane on the way back to Cincinnati after an all girls weekend in NYC with my sister. We signed up for the MORE Magazine Women’s Half Marathon in Central Park – I’d been training since February but with the move to Geneva and how complicated things get with the kids I never thought I’d make it. I paid for registration a long time ago since it seems to get sold out pretty quickly and figured I’d just bail if things didn’t work out. I saw my sister a couple of weeks ago as they stayed with the kids when Jose and I went house hunting to Geneva and she finally convinced me to travel so I bought a cheap ticket soon afterwards. Then we decided we should go see In The Heights. I love anything Broadway, anything musical and we figured we needed something relaxed the day before the race. I chuckle as I remember Mara, the queen of hyperbole, visiting me at my sister’s house in Connecticut 2 years ago when Sebastian had just been born RAVING about In The Heights. We happened to be watching the Tony’s and of course it won best musical back in 2008. Then two weeks ago when I was at my sister’s house all she did was play the soundtrack from In The Heights, I can’t remember whether she saw it before or after Mara but it makes no difference they were just as obsessed with it. So we’re sitting there on Saturday afternoon after a great little lunch in the City followed by great dessert in Times Square followed by great sunbathing/people watching also in Times Square. We make our way to the theater which is absolutely packed. It’s the first time we get tickets in the Mezzanine but we’re smack in the center so that’s awesome. As curtains go up the same thing happens to me as every other time I go see a musical. The moment the music starts I get teary eyed, I don’t know why musicals have that effect of me but they do. I must’ve been a Broadway star in some other life because I somehow feel more moved in a Broadway show than anywhere else. I hope in some other future life I also have the talent to be in Broadway. God knows I had an inkling of the dancing talent and maybe even a little inkling of the acting talent but the singing talent, no way no how. Which is how I knew I would never make it to Broadway on this particular incarnation of myself.

Anyway, it’s no secret I’m Puertorican and that I’ve been living in exile for the last 6 years of my life, an exile which is quickly about to get extended for who knows how long. So the mix of the storyline and the Broadway pipe dream I’m hooked on the characters instantly. I’m torn for each one of them, identifying myself with each one of them. Especially the book-smart college student who was trying to live up to the expectations of everyone and felt herself a disappointment to herself as well as everyone else. She’s got me more than anyone else. And I can feel myself praying for nothing bad to happen to any of the characters. I usually get sad when characters die or something in other shows but in this one I’m feeling it like it’s a family member. My Tia Maria Eloisa, Titi Silfa, Granny, even my mom. Any one of them could be Abuela Claudia. They all are. So when she dies I’m devastated – sobbing so loudly in the studio my sister is embarrassed sitting next to me! Everyone else must be thinking what the hell is going on with this girl. But they don’t understand. It takes them all show long to get the Usnavi joke that I understood the minute I see the playbill. Because they’re here for this play just because it won a Tony 2 years ago, I’m here in this play and I’m watching my life story play out before my eyes. And all of a sudden I’m thinking why the hell am I moving to Geneva, I want to go back home to Puerto Rico, I miss it so much it hurts me, but for now I can only dream of being buried there, somewhere in Rincon. There’s no rest for the weary and I’m definitely weary – for now I will keep living my life of the traveler, the ex pat wife willing to go wherever her husband wants, knowing that Puerto Rico is not the right place to raise my family, but knowing when my day comes that’s where I want to spend the rest of my days.

During intermission right before Abuela Claudia dies I am seeing the program and I see that one of the songs coming up is called “Alabanza”, which of course makes it even more obvious that someone is dying and that there’s a high likelihood it’s her. And I start remembering the old song by Roy Brown about Puerto Rico and patriotism and independence. God I loved that song, “Alabanza, alabanza, para ellos y para su patria, alabanza”. Which is of course making me miss PR so much more. And I tell myself God if the song in the play is anything like the Roy Brown song I will all but lose it. So here comes the song and Abuela Claudia is dead and I miss PR and I’m moving to Geneva God knows why and there is no stopping the tears now.

The flight attendant is asking us to turn all electronics off and it’s a good thing cause I don’t think I can keep writing anymore. Maybe some other day I’ll have the presence of mind to keep going. But going where? To a place where I’m not grateful enough for the beautiful and happy family I have and for the chance to spend time abroad and have the kids learn another language and another culture because I miss my Puerto Rican life too much…my family, my friends, my food, my culture, Titi Silfa, Titi Maria Eloisa, everything. So for now it’s “suck it up and be grateful for what you have”. Amen. Alabanza.