Hell froze over!

So after months and months of planning we finally made it into warm and sunny Miami...NOT!!! I meet up with my girlfriends in Sushi Samba down in Lincoln Road, I am in full puertorrican "jibara" gear with my suitcase in the middle of Miami Beach, how uncool! I am dressed for 80 degree weather and it's -- wait, what??? -- freaking 45 degrees! If I was in bachelorette party hell before then I guess that means hell has frozen over...The cold has caused all those Miami fashionistas to pull out their leather coats and Ugg boots which they never get to use unless they're skiing in Aspen. What will all those purse dogs wear now! Oh I know, a Burberry coat to match the Burberry purse they're being toted around in. :)

I had a lot of catch-up drinking to do since my friends were about 5 mojitos ahead of me. Luckily I'm quick at many things -- I'm a quick talker, quick walker, quick drinker and more importantly (and unfortunately), I'm very quick to judge. Which is exactly what I did the minute I got to Sushi Samba and met a bunch of Elika's friends who I hadn't met before. For some reason I had previously decided I only wanted to hang out with my old friends since I'm what's been officially termed a "selectively sociable" person. Fortunately alcohol is the social glue that holds us all together (or at least that loosens up this selectively sociable bitch), because about 2 hours later I had forgotten that I didn't know Elika's friends and was partying the night away with them, and 500 other of my closest Miami fashionista friends.

Anyway, here are some of my highlights from the weekend:

• Making instant friends with Elika's friends and understanding more and more why 9 of her friends would travel to Miami to celebrate the end of her bachelorette-hood. Elika is an incredibly special person who makes great friends with everyone she meets.

• Wasting a very painful waxing appointment (called "Bikini Plus" - I am not going to explain, I need a separate blog entry for that!) because of the cold. Maybe my husband will appreciate it though once we get back home, but I also won't explain further...The cold also meant I wasted the cute Target bikinis, although the Old Navy sunglasses were put to great use! Good thing I'm going to PR at the end of April so I can pull out the bathing suits then.

• Being given the task to find some interesting bachelorette party challenges. Poli asked me to find in a deck of cards some challenges I thought would be funny. Being the anti-bachelorette party gal that I am I rolled my eyes and went to work. Incredibly, this search resulted in a very funny game, where Elika had to put all her girlfriends in order of who lost their virginity first. This resulted in a very special picture where half of the girls have a "slutty" pose and the other half have a "prude" pose. Did you think I really was going to post that??? My favorite part of the game was when someone's sister (who will remain unnamed) went WHAT!!!! when she discovered the age when her younger sister (who was also in the party) lost her virginity. Total Kodak moment.

• Being "VIP" at clubs at the "low cost" of $625 for 2 bottles of vodka. After Sushi Samba on Friday we went to Santos, which had awesome music (both DJ and live). Unfortunately, and this is one of the reasons why I love to visit Miami but I wouldn't want to live there, they make you wait outside for freaking 45 min. like you're some kind of reject waiting for the bouncer to decide maybe you and your girlfriends are pretty enough to be allowed to party with the best and most beautiful Miami residents. I hate that crap, especially since it was 45 degrees and people were waiting outside freezing in their anti-cold super sexy attire (well not me but most people waiting outside were scantily clad anyway). So we had to buy 2 bottles of vodka in order to get in faster, for which we paid a measly $625. Nice. Especially since at least 2 of us ended up throwing half of those bottles up at some point in the subsequent 24 hour-period, and I wasn't one of them thank you very much.

• "Drinking doesn't give you a hangover, waking up does". Realizing that, as much as we feel very young at heart and probably always will, we're not 20 anymore. We're tired and old. Coming back from Santos that night everyone fell asleep except for the designated driver (good thing), Elika and me. Elika kept screaming for cheese fries and I kept screaming out the window for waffles. Which we didn't find any of and therefore were forced to place a very inexpensive ($82) room service order at the Ritz Carlton, which Lety happily shared with me given she's preggers (which I'm not so I had no excuse except for being drunk). Lety and I talked for the next 4-5 hours about anything and everything, which men can't understand. Honestly I probably can't remember 90% of the conversation, but those late night 4 hour conversations are the best thing about girlfriends and seeing girlfriends you haven't seen in a long time. Chile 2008 carajo!!!

• Watching Borat for the second time the next day as we tried to fight off the hangovers so that we could begin the process of getting wasted all over again. I have to say Borat must be the funniest movie ever. I'm sure if a guy read this he would say "what a waste of time, watching a movie (not porn!) during a bachelorette party, que losers".

• Going to a very nasty strip club called Goodfellas, where the men were totally disgusting, except for Julian who I actually lost interest in as soon as he took off his "character costume" - which I can't even remember what it was because I couldn't wait for him to take it off...the irony! At such said club, which only housed other cheesy bachelorette party parties, there was a "wild" girl (soon to be wed - and it wasn't Elika in case Jero's reading this) who couldn't wait to get her hands on all the strippers. We even wondered whether she would pay extra to have a "happy ending" with one of the strippers. Being the quick judges that we are we decided to call her a slut, which if you ask me is a terrible double standard for women given that men probably do things 10 times worse at their bachelor parties. So I hope that girl enjoyed every minute of her bachelorette party, and that she got a happy ending after all. That way we can all live vicariously through her. Again, it wasn't Elika!!!

• Getting pizzas at 3 am after Mynt and being yelled at by the limo driver because we weren't supposed to eat it in the limo. You can't go against the current when you have a bunch of wasted girls (one of which just threw up in the limo!) with the munchies. Oh and one of them is pregnant by the way!

• Patrick Ewing being an asshole to me and Elika when we asked to take a picture with him at the Italian restaurant in Merrick Park. Maybe he was afraid that he'd come out ugly in the picture? I got news for you man, you're already as ugly as they come. You're as ugly as you are tall as you are mean...My nephew is no longer a fan I will tell you that much! Even if we're both Georgetown fans.

• Given that we couldn't go to the beach or the pool since the cold weather lasted pretty much until the day we left, we spent HOURS shopping in Lincold Road, just like teenage girlfriends. We ended up all getting the same shoes, buying sunglasses, and spent about 5 hours trying dresses on at BCBG! After long conversations, retail therapy is the #2 reason why girlfriends rock.

• We finally have an all-out conversation about sex!!! This conversation included mentiones of icicles (source of which will remain unnamed). This opened the flood gates by starting a very controversial conversation about what guys do at their bachelor parties which caused everyone to run for their phones to call their significant others. I'm not sure where this conversation will lead to, but I can bet one of my 3 houses that Jero won't be allowed to have a third bachelor party before his wedding. So Kico give it up already.

• And the main reason why hell froze over is that despite my usually being adamantly opposed to any hokey bachelorette party stuff, I had the time of my life. I just wish we didn't need an excuse like a bachelorette party to have a girls weekend. The guys do it all the time, why can't we do it. So my "bachelorette party" resolution is this: CAN WE NOT USE BACHELORETTE PARTIES AS AN EXCUSE TO HAVE A GIRLS WEEKEND AND PLAN TO DO IT EVERY YEAR? Especially since there's not many of us left single and therefore we won't have too many weddings coming up next year! THAT WAY WE CAN SKIP THE CHEESY STRIP BARS...

If anyone would like me write about any other notable incident (perhaps about Mynt?) for posterity (so that when we're old and wrinkled and our daughters go to their bachelorette parties we can show them this and they can realize we were actually cool (or at least thought we were!) at some point in our lives)) please let me know.

P.S. How are those diamond rings?