Could've Been

I was discussing with my friends at work a very important subject, who sang "I think we're alone now", was it Tiffany or Debbie Gibson? I said of course it's Tiffany and Jamie asked, why are you so sure? I said, because Tiffany only had ONE hit, and that was it. And then Jamie said, didn't she have some slow song too? And I said yeah, but it sucked, as I proceeded to belt out in my totally non-singer's voice COULD'VE BEEN SO BEAUTIFUL! COULD'VE BEEN SO RIGHT! Remember that song? It's funny how people are constantly confusing Tiffany and Debbie Gibson don't you think?

Anyway, here's what could've been...As of this next Friday, I could've been on a plane to Tuscany to enjoy the posh life with my friend Lety. She's got a villa in Tuscany and she invited a few friends for a relaxing time full of wine-tastings, sight-seeing, and just anything associated with "Lifestyle of the Rich & Famous". So you must be thinking, why the hell are you not on that plane?

Well there's a few reasons -

• First the fact that I have no vacation days whatsoever given every year we go to Peru for ~3 weeks and that pretty much kills all my vacation days.

• Secondly the fact that I am going through a hellacious time at work and in the middle of switching assignments.

• Third the fact that I don't have a dime to my name.

• Fourthly the fact that I sent out my passport for renewal over a month ago and I still haven't gotten the new passport (I'm starting to get worried about that actually).
  

• And lastly but probably most importantly, the fact that I just don't have the guts. You know, there's some people that would say (as Lety did of course) that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that will never knock on my door again. Of course it's true, but even that doesn't give me the courage to just walk away from it all. Like how Lety took a 1 yr. sabbatical to travel the world, or how Mara quit work to go back to school. Somehow I like to tell myself that I'm just not in a stage in my life (with kids, marriage, work, etc.) to do something completely spontaneous and adventurous like that. But look at Lety, she's also married with kids!

My friends know I love to talk about "following your passion" and "doing what makes you happy". So why can't I find the courage somewhere to do just that? Someday I say, someday. When I sell the house, when I can find something I can love doing and also be financially OK, etc. Some people would call those excuses. But maybe it's more than that, maybe it's a shield to protect us against the unknown. Maybe it's life's way of telling us we're not quite ready yet, to hold on tight and wait for a sign. All I know is for the next week I'll be sitting around in my mundane job wondering what it would have been like to be on that plane...Oh, and I'll also be wondering where Tiffany is now.